You may not be aware of it.
You may not be tapped into it.
You may not even realize just how much power it has, but there is an inner dialogue that is directing your every move, controlling every feeling you experience, and calling every shot, and without your knowledge and input, it is telling you a story about the things you want and desire in your life and why you shouldn't go after them.
The inner dialogue, the mindset we have adopted and have been programmed to believe, will be some of the hardest work you will ever tackle along your healing and wellness journey, as you dismantle, dissect and re-program your inner thoughts according to YOUR rules.
I vividly remember when I began listening to my inner dialogue, during the early months of my sobriety.
I was shocked, horrified, scared, and disgusted with what was being swirled around in my subconscious, that was directing my every move I made in life...and it was NO WONDER I acted certain ways about certain things, and displayed specific patterns around different areas of my life.
Today, I'll be sharing one specific thought pattern that reigned SUPREME when it came to my inner dialogue, that I came to find out was a very common wound that so many of us suffer from. I found myself grappling with it and really understanding its depths of control on my life when I began my entrepreneurial journey, and this common wound has become to be known as IMPOSTER SYNDROME.
Back in early 2019, I made the decision to begin building Hypegirl Healing, even though I had no idea how or where to start. I knew I was ready to begin helping and healing as many people as I could, by sharing my own journey, my own knowledge and wisdom that I gained along the way.
My journey started with a small, private FB group, that was inclusive of all sorts of magical healers that I wanted to connect with. In addition to blogging, I am an herbalist and have sixth sense gifts and capabilities that come in quite nicely with the work I do, and before blogging, I just knew I was meant to help heal, so this was where it all began.
I began my FB group in late April/May, and by late June, I had over 100 members, which was a LOT for me at that time. I was the leader of this little group, and I was so very proud, but this overwhelming feeling kept creeping in, that would make me edit my posts, delete and not share my ideas, and paralyze me with an incredible amount of fear: what if these people found out?
Imposter Syndrome: a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud".
What if these people found out I was a "fraud"?
What if these people found out my "lack of" skill?
What if these people found out I was not formally educated?
What if these people found out I'm not who I say I am (a leader)?
What if these people found out I'm not certified?
And so began the crippling anxiety and fear of showing myself and my ideas to ANYONE, including this secret FB group I had been leading and growing. I'll never forget July of 2019, when I began spiraling deep into fear and panic , thinking "what have I done? I've shared too much! They're gonna know! I need more schooling! I need more education! I can't do this! I don't know what I'm doing! I can't have followers...they'll find out! OMG they'll find out!"
I took off all of July, and dusted off a book my sister had given to me about mindfulness. I didn't want to show up in my group, and so I didn't, even though I felt like I had to show up every single day (NOT the case, friends!) I began reading these mini daily exercises to bring yourself back to the present moment, with easy ways to alleviate the overwhelm, panic and anxiety I was experiencing...and boy, did it help!
I realized quickly that NO amount of schooling would have taught me what my lived experiences showed me.
I realized that folks that HAD the schooling and certifications were still searching for answers and validation.
I discovered that this was a safety tactic, that my inner dialogue was telling me, to keep me from doing the big scary THING called building my very own business: stay busy and distracted with needing MORE in order to be and do the thing, a COMMON theme in my life, that was illuminated right there, in all sorts of other areas of my life.
I AM NOT ENOUGH.
There it was.
THIS was the root of the issue.
THIS was the reason so many times I would talk myself out of things.
THIS was the easy door to hide behind so I didn't have to face this big truth.
I need more schooling.
I need more education.
I need more time. I need more training.
I need more blonde (THEN I'll be pretty enough)
I need more of a tan (THEN I'll be enough for so and so)
I need more drinks (THEN I can be more of me)
I need more, more MORE....
The common theme, which transferred over to my entrepreneurial journey, was that I was not enough as I was, to start my own business, let alone my own FB group.
That July was a rocky month, sitting with this narrative and rewinding to watch how it played out in so many areas of my life, but after I was able to get to the root of that overwhelm, I was able to begin repairing my mindset:
I have everything I need.
I lived it so I am an expert of it.
I speak my truth so it can help someone else.
I am enough JUST as I am.
As I moved along in my entrepreneurial journey, building Hypegirl Healing and meeting so many other small business owners, I came to realize that so many of us felt this exact way, this feeling of being a fake because we don't have enough of whatever it is we feel we lack. In fact, there aren't too many people I have met that have had a dream of owning their own business and HAVEN'T had this feeling of imposter syndrome come up. (big collective exhale!)
Once we can realize where the root of that limiting belief stems from, we can then heal it in ALL its forms across all areas of our life. For me, like I mentioned, once I realized it stemmed from the feeling and belief of not being enough, and where it played out in other areas of my life, I could then re-frame my mindset, knowing I possess everything I need, and that I am enough just as I am.
I remind myself that I have everything it takes to build my wellness business through the 'About Me' on my website, right there on the homepage, where I put it all out on the table:
I am a food and beverage gal, a reformed night owl and retired blackout artist, turned health-conscious guru, sobriety advocate, herbalist and extreme intuitive empath. I speak from a place of experience, and my teachings come from my many years enrolled at the School of Hard Knocks.
In closing, know that you are NOT alone in feeling like a fraud and feeling like you need more before you can do or be. I know that feeling all too well, and that is subconscious limiting beliefs at its best, running the show, hoping you won't notice so you can stay small and stay right where you are. Allow those feelings to come up, try to find where they stem from, analyze where they might be transferred into other areas of your life, and remember: you are good enough JUST as you are, right where you are, to begin living that dream in full color! Click here to read more blogs about mindset health, right here at Hypegirl Healing.
Please help me by sharing this to your boards on Pinterest and pin the image right here from this post to give your followers a direct link to this post, or to any social media platform that you are a part of! I love being able to help others find a sense of belonging and a knowing that we're NOT alone in our thoughts, feelings and actions, and with your help, I can achieve that!
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